dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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