Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
