after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
