you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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