you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
