none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
