Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
