i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
