i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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