Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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