i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A+ Viking dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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