Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
