well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
