I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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