i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
