It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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