There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
