No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
