The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my poor anus
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
