i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
