just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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