Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
