Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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