He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
