he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
