im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
