chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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