I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
