the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
