I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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