I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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