i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
