does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
