you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
