; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
