Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
