is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
