You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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