I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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