and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
