he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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