I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
