Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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