I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
