So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
