I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
