Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
