Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize