so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
