Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
