Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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